A Look Back on 2018

2018 has been one hell of a ride. Adventure, traveling across the world, heartbreak, living out of my car for two months, training, rolling and competing against a world champion. This year has been one of extremes that have been both the happiest and most challenging that I have faced in life so far.

The end of December 2017 I found myself in a dark place. I was unemployed, out of money, and miserable. So miserable that even my desire to train had left me. I essentially turned off my phone and locked myself in my room for two weeks while I contemplated the meaning of life and the purpose of existing. I didn't train, I didn't answer phone calls and I barely ate anything throughout the day as my mind suffered within a labyrinth of its own making. I don't know what happened, but one morning at the end of the two weeks I woke up and said "Fuck this shit. I'm over it." I took a long hot shower, shaved, put on functional human attire and fired up Indeed.com. I sent out a dozen resumes to companies looking for IT people. I also threw my resume up on the site, because you know, "You never know." The next morning I was on my sixth application when my phone rang from an unknown number.

Long story short on the phone call, a seeming miracle had happened, and my life was about to undergo a 180-degree spin. The phone call was from a recruiter that had happened upon my resume and had an opening for a traveling technician spot they wanted to fill ASAP. Three days after that phone call, I was landing at the San Diego airport and arriving at the world's mecca of JiuJitsu with just two bags. One bag containing dress clothes for work, and the other an Army duffel stuffed full of gis. I jumped into the job head first but moved forward filled with trepidation. When things are too good to be true, they normally are, and this job definitely seemed too good to be true. It was an all expenses paid trip that included the highest salary I had ever made outside of running my own business. Everything was paid for. Airfare, food, rental car, hotel, I even got paid extra for the time I spent traveling. All at that salary? Bullshit I thought, but what did I have to lose at this point? I'd believe it all when the first paycheck came in I told myself. I drove a brand new rental car to my hotel and checked in. Things just got even harder to believe. It was snowing in North Carolina when I had boarded the plane, a rare occurrence for the area, when I arrived in Oceanside, California it was 70 and sunny. To boot my hotel was a four-minute walk from the beach and just a ten-minute commute to work. Again, unreal.

I nervously worried if I'd be able to do the job that I'd been hired for. I had racked up 8 years of experience working as a technician, but I was jumping back into the field after a year JiuJitsu vacation and the salary I was receiving surely required a skill-set to match. I was shocked to find out the first day that if anything, the job was so easy that it became mundane within the first week. You'd never catch me complaining though, and once I felt competed in accomplishing the work assigned to me, I set out to discover if California JiuJitsu would live up to its hype.

Coming from a relatively small school, I was blown away by the density of not just schools, but in the number of students and black belts at each one. I decided I'd try to hit as many of them as I could, and at one particular one rolled with nothing but black belts for 2 hours straight. Life definitely seemed unreal. It many times felt like I was more observing someone else's life than living my own as I dropped into a place I had watched countless Instagram videos of. Coming up on the conclusion of 2018, I ended up visiting 19 schools in California and a total of 31 for the year.

I've written quite a bit about the places that I've visited this year, so I don't feel a need to re-cap on it here. There is one place though that I absolutely have to mention though, and that is CSG 360. This post here is the first time that I've ever talked about being in that place I found myself in December of 2017, staring holes into the ceiling, asking myself over and over again how I had let myself fall so far in life. CSG 360 didn't just give me a great place to train. It gave me friends that treated me like best friends when I found myself on the other side of the country from everyone that I knew. They introduced me to the best spot to eat burritos at in town. We'd train and roll as hard as we could, having battles across the mats, then after we'd grab beers across the street and they'd harass me about how bad my JiuJitsu was and should probably put a white belt back on. We'd laugh and laugh until I'd have tears running down my face. Then the next day we'd try to murder each other on the mats all over again. There were many other adventures I had visiting new schools, but the times I had with this team are the most memorable to me.

Through a friend of a friend, I was introduced to Professor Charlie. Just a couple miles from my hotel, his school was the fourth one that I visited. I dropped in on a Friday night but ended up being the only one to show up to class that night. So Professor Charlie and I sat against the wall on the mats and talked for over three hours. I found out that our Jiu-Jitsu stories were in many ways similar, that although we had different backgrounds, we were very similar people. Him sharing his story with me that night would give me the courage to later in the year make one of the hardest decisions that I have ever made.

That night I told him about having wanted to visit California and San Diego for over 3 years. I wanted to see, do and visit as many places as I possibly could. My new job was, unfortunately, a short term contract and wouldn't last very long so it gave me a sense of urgency with every day that I had. I also told him I needed a home base. Somewhere to train consistently at and to provide guidance on my progress. He told me he loved my idea, and he wanted to help me out in any way that he could. He had known me for the span of just three hours, and he introduced me to his team, gave me multiple contacts for schools in San Diego, and provided that black belt mentorship that I needed while being away from home.

One of the most impactful things he did though was encourage and believe in me. Thinking back on the conversations that we had while I was there, got all choked up, and I had to take a short drive before resuming this. Everyone saw a charismatic, happy, always smiling guy, but very people knew, and I never shared it with anyone there, but I was hurting badly inside. Professor Charlie gave me encouragement and a belief in who I could be one day. I think it meant so much to me coming from someone that I had only known a short time but looked up to so much. That belief has meant so much to me and I will always be grateful that life seemed to intentionally bring me there. It is a testament that it doesn't matter how much time you spend with someone, but the impact that they have on you during the time that you spend with them.


The birth of a blog: During this time of visiting all these big name schools in Jiu-Jitsu, I found myself making countless calls back home to update all of my friends on what the schools and rolling were like and what it I had been up to. I found myself with more stories than I had time to share, plus a three hours time difference between the West and East Coast didn't help any. I'd always mulled the idea around of starting something like a blog but told myself that as a relatively newer purple belt I hadn't accomplished anything that warranted the right to have one. A two for one Audible special was running and I noticed that Gary Vaynerchuk's new book "Crush It" was one of the listings. I'd watched a number of his videos and really liked his style and his content so I snagged it along with a bunch of other titles. I was doing a lot of driving back and forth from Oceanside to visit schools in San Diego (a 2-4 hour ordeal depending on traffic).

On one of those drives, I started playing his book and almost missed class that night to finish it. I stayed up late that night in order to do so and was fired up! In true Gary V fashion I said "Fuck it." and started this thing. 12 months later there are 49 published posts and to me an unbelievable 9,000 views from all across the world!! I'm far from a great writer, shoot I wouldn't even call myself a good one, but I took Gary's advice and just focused on putting out content. I've even published posts that have the wrong year in them 😬 Writing on here has been something that brings me a lot of happiness and even personal development. I still have so much to work on it with though, I have just as many drafts as I do publish posts, but I want to thank everyone so so much that takes the time to read these. It has really meant a lot to me. While I'm talking about this blog, if there is one that I've worked on that I feel is the most listening to, it is this one HERE from my interview with Heath Garcia. It's a powerful story that he shares and is the only one that I would ever ask anyone to open.

The National Guard and a Trip to France
While doing all this running around California, I got picked, along with my team leader SGT Millard, to represent my National Guard company at the 252 Battalion Best Warrior Competition. Competitors were tested on levels of physical fitness, Army knowledge, weapons functionality and shooting proficiency, as well as a variety of other tasks. Although we got thrown into it last second, SGT Millard and I would go on to win the 30th Brigade and then the North Carolina state Best Warrior Competitions, setting a record for the first time in state history that the NCO and junior enlisted soldiers winners would come from the same platoon, let alone the same team. We went on to compete against the best from 10 other states in the region 3 competition, an entire week-long event, but did not win it an continue on to Nationals.


While the challenges of the events themselves required either quick thinking or no thinking, as we'd put our heads down and put down miles together. The logistics and lack of preparation prior to the competitions presented bigger challenges to be overcome. SGT Millard is just a riot to be around though, and I couldn't have asked for a better person to go through those several months of back to back competitions. One time, freezing rain, just a degree above being snow, was pouring down as a group of glum-looking soldiers huddled around each other waiting to start our timed ruck march. The two of us laughed together at the absurdity of the whole thing and at the sound of the buzzer broke away from the pack running and laughing as we put down miles.

 As recognition for winning state and representing 30th Brigade there, the two of us got the incredible honor of representing our unit at the D-Day memorial in France. This was the first time that I had ever left the country and the trip was an unforgettable one.

Walking on the beaches that American soldiers just 75 years ago had to cover was simply breathtaking and awe-inspiring. They had jumped into freezing cold water into a hailstorm of bullets and overcome an enemy that was in heavily fortified positions. The courage that those men had is unimaginable. We soberly thought about the seeming challenges that we had experienced in life, and agreed that nothing we had gone through or ever would go through compared to even a day that those men had to go through in that war.

Another thing that left a great impression on us from the trip was the gratitude of the French people. "If it was not for the blood that American soldiers shed for us during that war, we would all be speaking German today. The French people will never forget the sacrifices that the Americans made to give us our freedom." A local man quietly said to us as he guided us around Hill 314 were the 30th Infantry Division had made their historic stand and repelled the attacking German Panzer divisions. Standing on that hill in the same exact spot that our predecessors had stood, I can't describe it to you. The French people expressed gratitude like that everywhere that we went. We received tear soaked hugs when we passed out "Old Hickory" patches off of our uniforms to the locals of Mortain, France. The entire experience was unforgettable, one that will forever change my perspective, and we both agreed that the trip needed to be made again on our own dime when we could spend more time in the area.

Incubation
After a whirlwind trip to California and the experience that we had in France, life seemed like it slammed to a halt when I returned to Fayetteville, NC. The short term contract that I had taken me out to California had ended, and I had returned home. This year I had fallen in love with the excitement of traveling, I badly wanted to continue it and held out for the promise of another one. After four months of being told "You should hopefully be able to start next week" by a company. I reluctantly decided that it was time to find a more permanent job that would provide a consistent income. I had let four months without income go by and had again burnt through the small amount of savings that I had put away during California. Again in a bind, a similar situation arose where life seemed to take me where I needed to be when the opportunity for an immediate job position in Washington popped up. I flew to Chicago and spent a couple days visiting with family and again found myself traveling towards the unknown on a long drive across the country back towards the West Coast.

Homeless in Seattle
In a completely new area, not knowing anyone, and rather strapped of money I found myself in a rather interesting spot in life. Living out of the back seat of my car. The new job was a great salary, but it would take time to save enough money to get into my own place. I knew that I could have asked friends or family for financial help, but no. They had already done so much for me that it wouldn't be the right thing to do. I had made poor financial decisions over the past couple years and I needed to experience the consequences of those choices in order to never find myself in the same situation again.

So for two months, the rest stop at mile marker 238 served as my temporary home. I would drive into work early, use a nearby gym to shower and shave, and cheerily show up to work no one knowing the wiser. After work, I'd head to class and train hard with my new team, stop by the laundry mat to wash my gi's, swing by the gym again to take a shower, and curl up in a ball in the back seat to sleep.

This was a hard time for me. Every day I had to face the reality that my decisions in life had brought me. I was always sore too. I'd train as hard as I could, and then have to try and sleep in a space that was way to small for my 6'1 frame. I'd either have my knees in my chest or be canted at some odd angle that put my feed over the seat in front of me. A rather less than an ideal situation for an aspiring competitive athlete to be in. The car was filled with damp, drying gi's that filled the small space with a less than preferable odor. Lacking a microwave, I'd eat room temperature cans of Chunky's soup or a can of chicken for meals. I don't think I'll ever willingly eat another can again in my life after that.

As sore as I was though, JiuJitsu was the one thing that gave me sanity during this time. Some days I would be so discouraged. I was skipping meals or eating ones that I'd never willingly pick, and I was living out of my car, what the hell was I doing?? I'd get an overwhelming urge to quit on it all. Just pack it all up and go back home a failure. I'd go into class though, and after some tough rolls I'd get my mind right and be ready to tackle the next day.

I spent a lot of time during this period out in nature. Washington is incredibly beautiful. I love mountains and this area is full of them. I'd find a spot out on a rock formation, all by myself, and either sit in silence or listen to an audiobook while I watched the waves roll back in fourth and got lost in thought. What had got me here? What was the purpose of this life that I had been given? Where was I supposed to go and what to do next? While this was a trying time, I can look back on it and say that life had again brought me to be right where I needed to be in order to grow as a person.

There were only about four of my closest friends knew about my current living situation. I didn't want anyone to know because I wanted to maintain a professional image at work and at class, but I also didn't want anyone to help me. I was determined to bear the extent of my decisions and knew that if word got out, someone would insist on changing it. After about two months of living like this though it was getting pretty taxing. The gi's always hanging up in my car probably gave me away, but a rather observant teammate extended an invitation to stay with his family while I was still looking for a place. He mentioned that he couldn't stand the thought of me "Paying to stay in the hotel that I had been in for two months" while he gave me a knowing look. Particularly beat up after that class, I caved in on my self-resolution and followed him back to his house. His family not only gave me a place to sleep, removed from the threat of someone trying to rob me, but offered me a delicious, home-cooked meal. I cannot tell you how great it felt to lie down that night.

I stayed there for a month and it was fantastic. Aside from having a place to stay, his family treated me like I was a brother in town visiting. Real, hot, homemade food was regularly offered to me. And we'd stay up late into the night talking about Jiu-Jitsu, traveling, books, ideas, concepts, family, breakups, just anything of conversation. My teammate and his wife are both incredibly intelligent and well traveled, and those conversations were probably the best part of being welcomed to stay there.

After a month though, I was itching to get a place of my own, and a great opportunity opened up for the house that I'm at know.

Where I'm at now
Today I'm writing this from the comfort of my own home, a bit dated, but way bigger than I'd ever need place that also happened to come fully furnished. It's located just down the street from work, Jiu-Jitsu, downtown and a beachfront view. I do have to say though that after living and working in the Chicago area for years, everything in a small town is "Just down the street" from me. Something that people here frequently tease me about saying. I have just the best job that I could have hoped for. It pays more than I need to be comfortable, and it's in that sweet spot that you hope to find in this industry where you are challenged by it so you develop professionally, but at just the right pace so the day passes quickly without being at a frantic pace. I am part of a great team that I recently wrote about HERE. I have developed so much already in my time there, and I have great faith that I will only continue to do so.

As I write this and reflect on 2018, my heart is just filled with so much gratitude. I just can't express how much it has meant to me for all the people that have been a part of my life this year and have made it the undoubtedly best year of my life. I can look back on the year and say that everything happened for a reason, and I was guided to exactly where I needed to be, even if at the time it was challenging. Thank you so so much to everyone that has been there for me in the little and big ways. Even if it was just reading along on here as I shared pieces of my story. I really cannot express how much it means to me.

Summary
31 schools visited and all the phenomenal people I got to meet in that time. Starting this blog and writing 49 posts with just under 9,000 views without any keywords added or website optimization. Winning the state Best Warrior Competition and getting to leave the country for the first time to visit France and Canada (I get to call myself an international Jiu-Jistu traveler now 😜). Doing Pan Ams, Toro Cup 12, and a total of 10 JiuJitsu competitions while getting to compete against established world champions. Restarting my professional career and living at a great spot. It has been a crazy, whirlwind of a year. It has been the best one of my life yet, and I'm looking forward to what is to come in 2019 💗

About the Author:

Steven McMahon earned his Kyuki-Do Black Belt in 2011 from Grand Master Kim at Kim's Black Belt Academy and his  BJJ Purple Belt in January 2017 under Professor Charles Nunley. He currently trains out of Wakizashi BJJ in Oak Harbor under Professor Eli Trevino. He is an active competitor at Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Army Combative tournaments